▫ Nonsense of a deranged boy.

If you're not here to read about my real life, please go away.


I woke up in the morning to the sounds of my dad.
Yelling at my sis to get off the computer. What a way to start the day.
1.30 a.m, I took a nice bath and went downstairs to sit down with my family.
 I sent messages to my muslim friends wishing them Selamat Hari Raya. 


My dad asks if I want to go to that new mall nearby Carrefour.
That Wangsa Walk Mall thingy. I declined. I just woke up and he's telling me to go?
Then, he asks if I wanna go visit my friend. I also said no since I just took a bath.


The old man gets pissed at me. Next thing you know, he's asking me if I want a haircut.
He gets even more pissed when I said I'll cut another time.
Now he's telling me how ugly I look with my hairstyle. What the f?
Modernise, old man. The world has changed its ways.
He still thinks that combing up your hair is still " cool ".


Then he pulls me by the shirt to take a look at myself in the mirror.
" I can be violent if you want me to. " Damn I'd punch him in the face if he wasn't my dad.
Then he tells me how ugly I look again and hits me. He goes into some mad rage.
Then he tells me about how difficult his life was.
" I got my laptop when I was 45, I got a bloody walkman when I was 28. I worked for it. "
" You got your laptop when you were 13. You got your mp4 since you were 10. "
I don't have an mp4, it's an mp3, he can't tell the difference. And I only got it last year.

It's common nowadays for a boy of my age to own a laptop or any other device.
MP3's, laptops, handphones. He just doesn't know any other similar kid. Sheesh.

He says he doesn't expect me to earn money to " feed him ".
Good, then..
GET OUTTA MY FUCKING HOUSE!

Then he's complaining of the money he spends on me.
My braces, my education, my expenses.
Especially on my braces 'cause it's the most expensive.
Well I never said I wanted braces. You were the one.
You said you only wanted me to look good.
Then why were you telling me how ugly I look?

He then says, " I don't mind about your hair, just don't cross the line. "
That second part of the sentence took out the meaning in the whole of it.


I can't remember much of what happened later. I just lost my mind.
I was sobbing uncontrollably. I waited for all of them to leave first.
Then I went mad and went thrashing at everything I could see for about 10 minutes.
I took his stupid Henessy VSOP and poured it in various places in his room.

Then I was thinking about  a couple of things.
Maybe I am a useless person, maybe that's why everyone I loved left me.
I always done something wrong at one point. They wouldn't tell me but the damage has been done.
Was it because they didn't want to hurt my feelings in telling me the truth?
Or was it because they actually cared and knew I could change eventually?

I told her she was strong. But I'm not strong enough for her. 
Pathetic. The one word that describes me, don't deny it.
I can't even tell her how much I love her. I don't think I can even bring it up.
I miss her so much..